The 3 Filter Test...

       The Three Filter Test is often attributed to Socrates but there are lots of versions and I’m not sure where it actually originated.  Plus, from the versions I know, I've adapted or edited it to my own liking anyway. 
       Basically I like to think in terms of applying the 3 Filter Test when I want to share any information but it’s especially appropriate if you are considering sharing what could be termed as gossip.  
       The 1st test:  Is it true?  Is the information I’m spreading factual? Or, if I don’t know, maybe I should find out. 
       The 2nd test:  Is it helpful?  Sometimes this filter is written as “Is it useful?” or “It is necessary?” but personally I like the standard of considering whether what I’m passing along is helpful to anyone.  Otherwise, why bother?
       The 3rd test:  Is it kind:? I like this filter the most because gossip usually doesn’t pass muster on this one, which is exactly why I tend to want to share it, but know I shouldn't.  
       I certainly fail miserably at the 3 Filter Test way too often.  But, when I actually think of these questions and refrain from sharing something that doesn’t meet all 3 criteria, I'm usually grateful I kept my mouth shut!  Try it out!  

Matching White Dresses...

       Paige has been doing baptisms in various temples over the years but she thought the San Diego Temple was the apropos site for receiving her own endowments, as the area of her birth and early childhood years.  On Saturday we got to join Paige along with Korey and his parents and Andrew and Andie for that milestone.  
       I have several memories of the day, just little things like the contrast of the temple to some of the chaos right after in relocating our group (including Korey’s lost grandparents) for a nice lunch (but a bit overshadowed by the rowdy beach crowd).  
       But one main temple take-away that my mind circles back to, over and over, was an interesting coincidence among the three young women who were each attending their first session.  
       Paige and I (as her escort) sat in a orientation with the two other girls who were all planning to get married within the month (one in the Draper Temple, one in the Mesa Temple and Paige in the Oakland Temple).  But, despite their unique situations they shared something in common we (the mother escorts) all immediately noted:  Each of them had purchased the very same empire waisted white temple dress.  When they were all sitting together it was hard not to notice. 
       Their identical temple dresses felt symbolic.  The white we all wear in the temple represents purity; how Christ remained unspotted from the world and we’ve been asked to try to emulate his example.  I was struck by the fact that each of these girls was unique, yet at the same time, each alike in their devotion and desire to remain pure.  
       For a mother, it’s hard not to be touched by their desire so that was something all three mothers shared in common.  The moms didn’t have matching dresses, but we all shared a feeling of great pride for daughters who have managed to stay unspotted from the world!

“C” is for Cookie...

       When my homemade cookies turn out well, it’s pretty much a fluke.  In fact, I made a delicious batch of carob chip cookies (circa 1982ish) that I’ve been trying to replicate for the past 30 years.  To no avail, much to Brent’s chagrin.  So, the fine art of baking is not something I have much talent for.  
       Luckily, I can probably quit attempting to bake wonderful cookies because Andrew Rich happens to bake cookies that rival Icing on the Cake!  Andrew’s cookies are so good that Maria even dreams about them!  Of course, Maria is pregnant and that can throw people into all sorts of cravings and weird dreams.  But still.  No one has ever mentioned dreaming about anything I’ve served.    
       Andrew claims he is a newcomer to his baking hobby, which I think just shows his natural talent.  The cookies on the platter at left were devoured at Paige’s bridal shower.  
       My dad always says every that every family needs at least one doctor, dentist, lawyer, whatever and how fortunate that we should shortly be getting one amazing baker in the family!  

Lessons While Riding Public Transit..

       Yesterday I had to pick up my car after a 3 day service so I took the bus to the light rail to the closest stop near the mechanic.  Since I don’t ride public transportation that often, I was surprised when a couple asked for help buying their passes.  It surprised me mostly because I usually have a clueless look on my face (not exactly an I-know-what-I’m-doing look).
       Well, despite my VTA transit ignorance I had a big advantage, because they were French-speaking Canadians visiting from Toronto.  When we figured out the best route for their adventure and were purchasing their tickets they had $3 instead of the $4 needed so I was happy to insist they use one of my ones rather than break a $20 in a machine that gives change only in coinage (personally I can’t stand silver dollars that I mistake for quarters). 
       Anyway, as we visited while riding along this couple started fishing for change in their pockets to pay me back.  While their gesture was thoughtful, I insisted they shouldn’t worry.  And I meant it.  In fact, right then, riding the VTA light rail I had a small epiphany.  
       Basically, it was this: It made me feel really good to help this cute couple and if they paid me back it would diminish my service and I wanted that nice feeling to linger on.  And, so often, the situation is reversed.  Someone does something nice for me and instead of just being appreciative, I try to pay them back in some form.  
       So, it was just a great reminder that we need to graciously accept when others do kind things and let them have the satisfaction that comes from giving and serving.  Don’t deny them that pleasure.  
       Who knew you could learn so much on public transportation?  Maybe I should ride the light rail more often!  
       
       

Ch...ch...ch...changes.....

       “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”  -Victor Frankl
       I’ve been thinking about change and how much courage it takes me to redirect.  I’ve heard it said that the most successful people are the ones who are good at Plan B.  Which makes a lot of sense.  Few of us have lives that follow a smooth trajectory and most of us need to improvise along the way, so adaptation is a important skill.  
       In many respects, our ability to change and make course corrections in life takes the stamina and grit shown in Walter Mitty’s classic children’s book: The Little Engine That Could.  The little blue engine implores the steady I-Think-I-Can, I-Think-I-Can mantra as it pulls the train over the mountain.  The chant is more than a great motto; it’s generally true that our optimism can make all the difference.   
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.  For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”  - M. Scott Peck

Experience!

 “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.  And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.”  -Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
      Experience can be the toughest teacher of all.  I’d certainly prefer to learn the hard stuff from the experience of others.  And sometimes I get to.  But, other times I get to learn from my own life experiences, sometimes even from times I fail.  
       When I’m going through a difficult experience it helps to remember that “this too shall pass.”  And, best of all, to continually remind myself:  what can I learn from this?   
       “Sorrow comes in great waves...but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us it leaves us on the spot and we know that if it is strong, we are stronger, inasmuch as it passes and we remain.”  -Henry James

Our Boston-Baby Birthday Boy!

       Today Webb is exactly the same age as Brent was when Webb was born!  Those shared-year birthdays with kids always feel sort of nostalgic.  Obviously I’ve already celebrated that milestone with Andie and Webb’s birthdays but I’ve got one left with Paige who was born when I was 29 years old.  
       We have so many happy memories of Webb as our Boston baby boy.  He was as good-natured as it gets, plus he dealt fairly well with having 2 Moms from the get-go: a biological Mom (me) and an overly-earnest and uber-enthusiastic Mom (Andie as a 2 year-old).  
       It’s hard to see in the photo but baby Webb is actually sporting a Lacoste romper; you can vaguely make out the alligator on his chest.  So I suppose he was a designer dresser even in the mid-eighties.
       Another fun factoid about Webb’s years in Boston was the fact that Matt Romney (2nd son of our presidential candidate) was about thirteen when Webb was born and when we would arrive at church Matt would ask if he could hold Webb (not once but pretty much weekly).  Since it’s usually teenage girls clamoring to hold the new babies, it was particularly cute to have Matt requesting to tote Webb around at church.
       Birthday Greetings to our Boston-born boy!  We love you lots!  

Actually I Was Bored...

       Aiden was ordained a Deacon yesterday which also signals the end of Primary.  When Bishop Walton asked Aiden to recite a favorite Article of Faith he chose #13 and totally nailed it.  It was awesome!  ...Well, at least I thought so.
       When I gave Emily a ride home from church I asked her if she was impressed with Aiden’s poised and clear recitation of the 13th Article of Faith and in Emily’s very matter-of-fact way she simply said:  “No, actually I was bored.”  This wasn’t the direction I was hoping our conversation would take so I rephrased the question and asked if it made her feel good inside to which Emily succinctly replied:  “Well, I was bored and felt good at the same time.”  
       Jennifer did confirm that feeling bored has been Emily’s utilitarian word this summer.  So Aiden shouldn’t feel slighted, he looked dapper in his white shirt and tie and oozed the confidence of an Aaronic Priesthood holder.  
       It's fortunate that despite Emily's state of boredom she can still muster up the energy to feel good at the same time.  Clearly this is a girl of many talents and I’ll look forward to her Primary graduation in about 7 more years! 

Spiritual Roots & Seven Habits...

“Remember the H2O° analogy.  H2O° can stand for liquid, gas, or solid, depending on the outside temperature and pressure.  Almost every situation you are in or person you meet is like H2O°.  They are in a constant state of radiation and absorption.  If you will draw from inside your spiritual reservoir spiritual attitudes, you will radiate those, other others will absorb them, and you will lift and edify.  Otherwise your spiritual life will be shallow and you will absorb the radiation of lesser spirits.  Rather than being the master of circumstances, you will become the victim.  Rather than acting, you will be acted upon.  There will be no true joy in this kind of life.”  - Stephen R. Covey, Spiritual Roots of Human Relations
       Stephen Covey passed away yesterday and he was truly an icon.  His 7 Habits  books inspired millions; the principles he taught made this world a better place.  The most impressive thing to me about Covey was that he lived exactly the life he spoke about.  His family was his most important, treasured and valuable asset.  He was true to his character and was passionate about teaching others leadership and successful business skills.  
       Of all of his books my favorite is still the one he wrote over 40 years ago, in 1970, Spiritual Roots of Human Relations (quoted above).  I read it during high school and the book deeply impacted my testimony of the importance of a gospel-centered life.
       Then, a bonus to marrying Brent was that the Covey family was in his home ward in Provo.  So, on trips back to Utah during our early marriage we often had Gospel Doctrine lessons taught by Stephen Covey.  One year Covey's son, Sean, while his was the BYU quarterback, came to the hospital to give Webb a blessing when I was in Provo without Brent and Webb ingested prescription pills Grandma Colleen left on a countertop.
       It seems really apparent that Covey’s life was full of joy as he radiated the light of the gospel and shared those important principles with others, even in a secular way.  He’ll be missed but he led a great life!   
     

Love is a temporary madness...

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.  And when it subsides, you have to make a decision.  You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part...  - Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres 
       I wrote this quote down over a decade ago when I read Bernieres novel for a bookgroup.  The excerpt resonates with my theory that in some respects, love is a choice. Well, it isn’t exactly my theory but it’s a concept I endorse.  
       Maybe we do fall in love but staying in love is a matter of commitment once the excitement wears off or once we realize the person we love is no more perfect than we are.  When reality sinks in is exactly the time where we need to choose love.  So, yes, it’s one of my favorite quotes on love, and, with two daughters in the middle of the temporary madness of early love, I think it’s a good verse to share. 
       “Because this is what love is.  Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body.  No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths.  That is just being “in love,” which any fool can do.  Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.” - Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres   

The strangest person in the world...

       “I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too.
       Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.” - Frida Kahlo
       Whew!  It’s not just me - Mexican painter Frida Kahlo thinks she is strange too!  Actually, Kahlo died a few years before I was born, so maybe I replaced her as the strangest person in the world.  But, I do appreciate her quote because it makes me feel less inclined that I’m alone as a misfit.  
       Apparently I’m not the only one who feels bizarre and flawed at times.  Even world class artists have times when they imagine they are the oddest of the odd.
       So maybe I’m in good company after all!  And, yes, that’s one of Frida Kahlo’s paintings (a double self portrait) called The 2 Fridas showing the important lady Frida and the second Frida holding a rag doll, representing her childish soul.  
        
         

Celebration Season....

     Andrew Rich’s birthday is July 1st and everyone who knows Andie is well aware that her birthday is the 4th of July.  And now, there is even more reason to celebrate in July.  As of Thursday night, Andrew and Andie are engaged!
       That’s right!  Andie is known for speed and it looks like their engagement is no exception to this rule.  As Andie nicely quoted on Facebook:  “Because when you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”  (Billy Crystal to Meg Ryan, When Harry Met Sally) 
       So, it’s been a whirlwind courtship but a healthy and happy one.  It’s always a good sign when everyone who meets Andrew is impressed and everyone who knows him speaks highly of him.  Now Paige’s official maid of honor doesn’t need to clamor for the wedding bouquet; she’s already got a ring on her finger.  
       A date has not been set yet but the wedding will likely take place before the end of the year.  So, the Knudsens will score not just one great son-in-law (Korey) but hopefully two in 2012!
       Congratulations to Andrew and Andie - the Yin and the Yang!   

Chop Wood, Carry Water

       “The student asks the master:  “What work will I do as I seek enlightenment?”  The master replies “Chop wood, carry water.”
       “And what work will I do once I achieve enlightenment?”  asks the student.  
       “Chop wood, carry water,”  replies the master.
       There is a tendency in all of us to think that enlightened people don’t have the same mundane daily tasks as the rest of us.  That once you reach a certain point in life the inglorious stuff will disappear as we commence with the more important work.  
       But, the reality couldn’t be further from the truth.  Whatever is your “chop water, carry wood” will still await you regardless of your position.  The beauty is finding the sacred in doing the ordinary things!
        

Glow in the Dark Volleyball...

       It’s fun to have a church calling in Young Women’s again although this go-round I have no daughters in the program.  Mutual is mostly held at the stake level now due to smaller numbers of youth.  
       Last night the girls played Glow in the Dark Volleyball, a clever activity put on by the Moorpark YW leaders.  The gym was dark with black lights and the girls wore white t-shirts with neon necklaces.  Neon Volleyball was such a hit the girls didn’t want to stop playing, even for refreshments.  
       It was hard to tell whether their volleyball skills were marginal or whether playing in the dark makes the game more difficult.  I suspect it was a combination of both.  Still, it was a big success and I’m getting back in the groove of youth activities now on Wednesday nights.  Fun times!

Nagging: Death by a Thousand Reminders!

       “Nagging - the interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, the other person repeatedly ignores it and both become increasingly annoyed - is an issue every couple will grapple with at some point. 
       While the word itself can provoke chuckles and eye-rolling, the dynamic can potentially be as dangerous to a marriage as adultery or bad finances. Experts say it is exactly the type of toxic communication that can eventually sink a relationship.” -from a Wall Street Journal article
       This article on nagging and the problems it causes in marriage pointed out the vicious cycle we create from badgering.  We fear we won’t get what we want from another person so we keep asking.  The nagged person gets annoyed and withholds, which causes the nagger to continue.  And so it goes! 
       Nagging is usually considered a female trait but some women would argue that men don’t have to nag because when women are asked to do something, they do it!
       In one of our class discussions on couples and communication I heard a lame (but kind of funny) joke called The Nagging Wife and the Drunk Driver.  Basically a driver is weaving all over the road and a cop pulls him over.  The driver admits to coming from the pub and having quite a few drinks.  The officer asks the drunk driver if he realizes that his wife fell out of the car a few intersections back.  “Oh, thank heavens,” sigh the drunk.  “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.” :)

You’re Not Special...

       “Your planet, I’ll remind you, is not the center of its solar system, your solar system is not the center of its galaxy, your galaxy is not the center of the universe.  In fact, astrophysicists assure us the universe has no center; therefore, you cannot be it.” -David McCullough, Jr.  
       David McCullough, Jr. (son of the famous historian) teaches English at Wellesley High School in Boston.  He spoke this year to the graduating Seniors and unlike some commencement talks filled with platitudes, McCullough was honest and (in my mind) refreshing.  His remarks went viral on the internet because he pointed out to the youth that they are “not special” which might be shocking for some kids who’ve been raised thinking they are the end-all-be-all.  
       McCullough’s speech is great, worth reading the entire text.  I’ll just end this post with a quote from the end of his amazing speech:
       “Exercise free will and creative, independent thought not for the satisfactions they will bring you, but for the good they will do for others.  And then you too will discover the great and curious truth of the human experience is that selflessness is the best thing you can do for yourself.  The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you’re not special.  
       Because everyone is.  Congratulations.  Good luck.  Make for yourselves, please, for your sake and for ours, extraordinary lives.”

Parkinson’s Law...

       I’ve always said that I can clean my house in 4 hours if I have 4 hours OR 1 hour if that is all the time I’ve got.  It turns out that this practice actually has a name: Parkinson’s Law.  Defined as: “Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.”
       The adage wasn’t coined by the disease (Parkinson’s :) but from Cyril Northcote Parkinson mentioning the principle in The Economist magazine in 1955.  In simple terms, Parkinson’s Law states that the amount of time in which one has to perform a task is the amount of time it will take to complete that said task.  
       One example I read about is how an elderly lady (maybe like me) can spend all day writing a postcard to a friend: an hour to find the postcard, another to find her glasses, more time looking for the address followed by time to compose a note, followed by getting it off to the post office. A busier person with no extra time can pretty much complete the same task in a matter of minutes.
       So it seems that work (especially paperwork) is elastic in its demands on time.  Which makes it worthwhile to set deadlines for ourselves, even if they are self-imposed.  I suppose my blog posts often follow Parkinson’s Law too.  If it’s a busy day and I only have a few minutes, I can usually get it done quickly but if I have more time, I can fill up (maybe squander) extra time too.  

If At First You Don't Succeed...

"Children if you're tired, keep going.

If you're hungry, keep going;

If you're scared, keep going.

If you want a taste of freedom,

keep going." -Harriet Tubman

       
       This is Harriet Tubman's version of Winston Churchill's "Never never never give up.” And there are lots of ways to say it but the sentiment is the same.  We need to power through the hard stuff, the hunger, the fear and the exhaustion and we need to keep going.  It’s a helpful refrain whenever I’m tempted to procrastinate a project.  
       After Harriet Tubman escaped from slavery, she took at least 13 missions using homes in the underground railroad to help rescue more than 70 slaves.  If anyone understands the need to persevere though difficult times, an African-American abolitionist would.  Tubman is remembered as a hero for all those she helped to freedom.  She is also known for being quite bold when a slave was struggling to continue.  Tubman was relentless in reminding them that if that didn’t soldier on, they would probably die.  The legacy of Harriet Tubman lives on and her model to “keep going” through the tough stuff, is worth noting!     

Who’s clever now.....

       There is a great historical story when William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli both ran for the post of Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in 1886.
       Before the election both men happened to take the same young woman out to dinner.  When reporters realized this woman had dined with each candidate separately they wanted to know her impressions of both.  
       So, the young woman told reporters, “After dining with Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest person in England.”   Naturally the reporters were quite impressed with Mr. Gladstone.  Then, they inquired of his opponent to which the young woman replied:  “After dining with Mr. Disraeli, I though I was the cleverest person in England.”
       It’s a great way to think about our associations with others.  With each encounter is our goal to make people think we are funny, insightful, and clever?  Or, is our goal to leave an exchange with others having them feel as if they are wonderful?
       And, just to confirm the better approach: guess who won the election?  That’s right, Benjamin Disraeli!  

Wing to Wing and Oar to Oar...

With Paige and Korey’s wedding just over a month away I’ve obviously been thinking a lot about marriage.  Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken, probably gets over-quoted, but Frost has many other wonderful poems.  One of those, The Master Speed, was written upon his daughter’s engagement and it's a great poem about commitment and marriage.  My favorite are the last 5 lines:
No speed of wind or water rushing by
But you have speed far greater.  You can climb
Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,
And back through history up the stream of time.
And you were given this swiftness, not for haste, 
Nor chiefly that you may go where you will,
But in the rush of everything to waste, 
That you may have the power of standing still - 
Off any still or moving thing you say. 
Two such as you with such a master speed
Cannot be parted nor be swept away
From one another once you are agreed
That life is only life forevermore
Together wing to wing and oar to oar.  -Robert Frost, The Master Speed

The Strength of America...

       “The great and admirable strength of America consists in this, that America is truly the American people.” - Jacques Maritain
       Like America, our 4th of July Birthday Girl is a strong one too! In fact, Andie loves to demonstrate her abilities by picking up her mom or siblings and Webb is a much better sport than I am about getting scooped up.  
       While I might give Andie a hard time about some of her purported superpowers, I have to admit that, at times, she can be a  force of nature (in a good way of course :) 
       Steve Maraboli said:  “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”  And, it’s true.  Life can be full of surprises and Andie’s had her fair share of bumps in the road but she always rallies and carries on.  So, yes, I’m inspired by her tenacity and strength; even if I prefer not to be carried around.  
       Happy Birthday to the USA and Andie K! Shining examples of strength in action!    

Highest Compliments...

“Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it.  I loved it.  I answer all my children’s letters - sometimes very hastily - but this one I lingered over.  
       I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it.  I wrote, “Dear Jim:  I loved your card.”
       Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.”  
       That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received.  He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything.
       He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”
       -Maurice Sendak 

All Things Denote There Is a God!

       One line I particularly love in The Book of Mormon is : “...all things denote there is a God!” (in Alma 30:44).  It a sentiment I’ve always felt.
       In fact, I remember when I read Charlotte's Web and the spider spun words into his web and people were amazed. And, yes, it was miraculous.

       But honestly, isn't it almost as amazing that a spider can spin a web in the first place (with words or not).  Think about it. We take so many things for granted.  The incredible skills of animals are fascinating.  Especially how different species have such unique abilities (i.e. that spiders spin webs).  
       In E. B. White’s fiction we all recognize Charlotte’s superpowers because they aren’t exactly real.  But, the things that animals do that are real; well, these are testament to me that there is a God!  
       The way everything works in the world is far too intricate and detailed to be happenstance.  At least that’s my take on it.  Just like Alma tells us.    

Giving up a grievance...

       One of my favorite definitions of forgiveness is:  “Giving up a grievance to which we are entitled.”
       I’m not sure who penned the original quote, but it’s one that really resonates with me.  Often (maybe usually) when we need to forgive someone else we actually have a right to be upset with them.  In fact, they may not even be asking for our forgiveness.  Or, they may be asking, but we don’t feel it’s sincere.  Regardless, the actions of others should not dictate our behavior.  
       There is a hymn that really helps me in understanding forgiveness better.  The verse that is pertinent goes:  “Who am I to judge another, when I walk imperfectly?  In the quiet heart is hidden, sorrow that the eye can’t see.  Who am I to judge another; Lord, I would follow thee.”  -Susan Evans McCloud
       The song is a good reminder that I’m certainly not perfect; hence, forgiveness gives me an opportunity to forgive others who are also imperfect.  Plus, the Savior is our greatest example of someone who forgave.
       Obviously forgiveness is one of those concepts that sounds much easier in theory than practice.  But it’s worth practicing because holding grudges end up becoming burdens we carry through life.  I’m teaching the Young Women lesson today in church on forgiveness and it’s been a good topic for me to mull over this week.
       “Developing a forgiving heart will do far more for us than it will for the person who has hurt us.”  -Rabbi Harold Kushner