We don't really run the show....

       "I also think that kids are the best teachers of life's most profound spiritual lessons:
       that pain and suffering are as much a part of life as happiness and joy;
       that change and impermanence are all we can count on for sure; 
       that we don't really run the show; 
       and that if we can't find the maturity to surrender to these difficult truths, we'll always be unhappy that our lives aren't turning out the way we expected or planned.  
       Life doesn't go the way we expect or plan, and nobody's perfect, not ourselves or our children."  -Harriet Lerner 

Experience!

 “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.  And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.”  -Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
      Experience can be the toughest teacher of all.  I’d certainly prefer to learn the hard stuff from the experience of others.  And sometimes I get to.  But, other times I get to learn from my own life experiences, sometimes even from times I fail.  
       When I’m going through a difficult experience it helps to remember that “this too shall pass.”  And, best of all, to continually remind myself:  what can I learn from this?   
       “Sorrow comes in great waves...but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us it leaves us on the spot and we know that if it is strong, we are stronger, inasmuch as it passes and we remain.”  -Henry James

Things Outside Our Control...

       "Our thoughts are up to us, and our impulses, desires, and aversions - in short, whatever is our doing. Of things that are outside your control, say they are nothing to you." -Epictetus, who was a slave around the time of Nero
       When Navy Pilot, James Stockdale spent 7 years as a hostage during the Vietnam war, words from a 1st Century Stoic Handbook called "Enchiridion" became his mantra.  

       Because of the words of Epictetus, Stockdale was able to draw a line between the things he could and could not control. And, he focused on the fact that what he could control was what mattered most.

       James Stockdale's resiliency became legendary. He became a living example of the doctrine of the Stoics.

       "Don't worry about what you can change because you can change it and don't worry about what you can't change because you can't change it. -Wayne Dyer

The Turtle

Turtle by Kay Ryan

Who would be a turtle who could help it?

A barely mobile hard roll, a four oared helmet,

She can ill afford the chances she must take

In rowing toward the grasses that she eats.

Her track is graceless, like dragging

A packing-case places, and almost any slope

Defeats her modest hopes. Even being practical,

She’s often stuck up to the axle on her way

To something edible. With everything optimal,

She skirts the ditch which would convert

Her shell into a serving dish. She lives

Below luck-level, never imagining some lottery

Will change her load of pottery to wings.

Her only levity is patience,

The sport of truly chastened things.

Where is that moth when you need him?

Issues with intermittency!

Here is the deal: There are a lot of problems that are intermittent and while this might sound okay (because theoretically you get a break), they can actually be more frustrating than consistent problems.

At least something consistently bothersome is predictable. I can count on the annoyance and plan around it. But, think about snafus that strike randomly; these are the one that truly drive people (okay, me) nuts.

Here are two examples: First, when my car does something odd, but because it happens sometimes but not all the time, I can’t replicate it for the mechanic. Because, of course it never happens when I need it to (for demonstration purposes).

This is a frustrating situation, and worse, it can make me look like an idiot when I describe symptoms to a mechanic and they look at me like the problem might be more in my head than in my car.

2nd example: When I called the exterminators who service our yard about having moths inside the house they told me they needed to determine what kind of moth we are dealing with before they can spray anything. "Just get us one sample,” said Urbano. But, those moths that had formerly been (what seemed like) everywhere were suddenly nowhere to be found.

So, that is one of life's pet peeves for me; things hard to solve or fix because they happen intermittently. So glad I got that off my chest!

Trust Your Struggle...

“Allowing the truth of who you are - your spiritual self - to rule your life means you stop the struggle and learn to move with the flow of your life.” -Oprah Winfrey

Lately this "Trust Your Struggle" phrase has been showing up on lots of graffiti art and tattoos.

It’s a good sentiment because while I would likely choose to never go through struggles, I have to admit that I do learn a lot from them. Sometimes all I learn is that I am strong enough to get through them; although that isn’t a bad take home lesson in itself. And, sometimes I learn more profound wisdom too. Especially when I look back!

Whatever challenges I face in life, I need to take heart that they may be tailor-made; customized with exactly what I need to learn .

Actually, Helen Keller says it better than I do, so I’ll just wrap this up by quoting her below:

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

Augie’s Quest...

“I redefine normal everyday. You can either mourn what you can’t do or celebrate what you can.” -Augie Nieto

Last night was the 6th annual “Augie’s Quest” Gala. This year it was back in San Francisco but it rotates between San Diego, Las Vegas and the Bay Area depending on the location of the IHRSA conference. The fundraising event, to generate funds for researching Lou Gehrigs disease, began in 2006. Our friends, Augie and Lynne Nieto, started the charity after Augie was diagnosed with ALS.

Augie was a remarkable guy even before the diagnosis; ambitious and very successful in the fitness industry. After discovering his ALS, Augie turned his passion to finding a cure. To that end, Augie’s Quest has raised over 25 million dollars.

The average survival rate for ALS is just five years and over a year ago Augie crossed over to the other side of the survival curve. But with damage to motor neurons, Augie was first confined to a wheelchair, then lost ability to use his arms, and now even his ability to talk. We’ve attended “Augie’s Quest” every year and have seen the tragic decline.

The atmosphere surrounding auctions is generally upbeat and last night’s event was fun; including a musical performance of the band Sugar Ray. But it’s always bittersweet to see Augie; thrilling that he’s still alive, heartbreaking to see the ALS progression.

Augie’s an inspiring guy and it’s always a reality check to remember the healthy Augie. One year (circa 2003?) Brent and Webb went to Augie’s home in Corona Del Mar and imagine Webb’s surprise when Augie handed Webb the keys to his ludicrously expensive Ferrari and told him to take it out for a spin. Yikes! That was probably one of Webb’s first introductions to driving a stick shift car. In a Ferrari, no less!

“If Augie’s efforts, and the efforts of those working with him, can save any one of these families from this heartache, then it will be worth it. It hasn’t come without a cost. But this quest has kept Augie alive longer than we expected. He has used his talents in business to deal with something much bigger.” -Lynne Nieto

Think of a Thorn in Your Side...

"You live and learn. At any rate, you live." -Doug Adams

"A thorn in my side" is probably the best way to explain the pain of this single sea urchin spine left in my heel. The final intruder seems to be the only remaining signage of the disastrous kayak expedition I led (ha!) Paige on in the British Virgin Islands last month.

For the record (I'll admit)...what was I thinking?

When I showed Brent the sole dark spine still embedded he offered his surgical prowess to cut it out. Fat chance! It's way too deep to let Brent start gauging around - at least if I value my mobility and want to walk again. I've seen Brent get overly enthused about simple sliver removals!

Skipper Terry thought any remaining spines we couldn't extricate looked small and would either work their way out or eventually dissolve. And he was correct with all but the last lone spine in my heel.

It's not painful all the time. I only notice it when I first wake up and then intermittently, usually when my heel bumps up against something or slides into shoes. Otherwise it seems rather benign.

I'm almost convinced it's staying around as a reminder; so the minute I start considering harebrained ideas as viable options, I'll recall how well listening to my inner idiot fared in the Atlantic ocean.

Perhaps this urchin spine will be my cross to bear, sort of like when the Apostle Paul notes "there was given to me a thorn in the flesh." (2 corinthians 12:7) Somehow Paul takes pleasure, even glories, in his thorn. But I'm not there yet, not even close!

Becoming a Hero...

"Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes of men. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or weak; and at last some crisis shows what we have become. -Brooke Foss Westcott

I thought of this quote when I watched a powerful youtube video titled "Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light."

In 2007, Chris Williams was driving home with his family when their car was hit by a teenage drunk driver, killing Chris's pregnant wife Michelle, his son Ben, and his only daughter Anna.

The immediate forgiveness Chris showed toward the young man responsible for the tragedy was amazing! While feeling totally crushed and grieving over his loss Chris still had an incredible ability to show love and compassion for the young man, much like our Savior would.

The quote above reminds me of a comment in the video when Chris's stake president noted that it was almost as if Chris's whole life had been preparing him all along for this event.

Heroes are not made in the moments but it's the choices they make along the way that prepare them to be heroic when the occasion arises. I really do believe that.

It's hard to watch the video and not feel deeply touched by this good man. His ability to freely forgive after his devastating loss has to be the result of a lifetime of striving to be Christlike in manner and deed.

It's been 3 years since the tragic accident and Chris is able to state that he is "grateful that God allows tragedies and trials in our lives because they help us love." I don't think there is anything else I can to add to that! Except that if you haven't watched the youtube video, make sure you do!

Also, the picture for this post is unrelated in any way to the text, although I also find the picture inspiring - so it worked for me.