Giving up a grievance...

       One of my favorite definitions of forgiveness is:  “Giving up a grievance to which we are entitled.”
       I’m not sure who penned the original quote, but it’s one that really resonates with me.  Often (maybe usually) when we need to forgive someone else we actually have a right to be upset with them.  In fact, they may not even be asking for our forgiveness.  Or, they may be asking, but we don’t feel it’s sincere.  Regardless, the actions of others should not dictate our behavior.  
       There is a hymn that really helps me in understanding forgiveness better.  The verse that is pertinent goes:  “Who am I to judge another, when I walk imperfectly?  In the quiet heart is hidden, sorrow that the eye can’t see.  Who am I to judge another; Lord, I would follow thee.”  -Susan Evans McCloud
       The song is a good reminder that I’m certainly not perfect; hence, forgiveness gives me an opportunity to forgive others who are also imperfect.  Plus, the Savior is our greatest example of someone who forgave.
       Obviously forgiveness is one of those concepts that sounds much easier in theory than practice.  But it’s worth practicing because holding grudges end up becoming burdens we carry through life.  I’m teaching the Young Women lesson today in church on forgiveness and it’s been a good topic for me to mull over this week.
       “Developing a forgiving heart will do far more for us than it will for the person who has hurt us.”  -Rabbi Harold Kushner 
         

Keep Calm and Carry On...

I like the story below that was originally told by the Dahlia Lama. It’s a good one to remember whenever I think events in the world are conspiring against me.

In fact, accepting problems as a natural fact of human existence can definitely help reduce agitation and negative emotion.

"One morning 2 men were driving to an important business meeting, and they were running late. On the way to the meeting they got a flat tire.

Needless to say, the passenger got really upset about this but he noticed the driver remained completely calm and undisturbed by the situation, and immediately just set about changing the tire.

As they were changing the tire, the passenger became more agitated, but the driver just kept working, still totally unflustered. So, finally the passenger couldn't help but ask, "We're going to be so late, how can you be so calm about this?" And almost cheerfully, the driver answered, "This is number 3!"

The passenger asked him to explain, and he said, "Many years ago, when I first started to drive, I read a statistic giving the average number of flat tires that motorists will have during their driving years. So, right then I just decided to expect my fair share of flat tires, which by the way still has not reached the average, and at the same time I realized that no matter when or where I got my blow-outs, I could be sure that when it happened it would never be convenient.

I figured that was just part of the normal costs of having the convenience of driving, like paying for gas or oil. So, this is just one of my fair share of flats, that's all." -story told by the Dalai Lama

Anger Kills!

"Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel of both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back - in many ways it is a feast fit for a king.

The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you." -Frederick Buechner

I like this quote. The emotion of anger is chiefly an issue of being unforgiving. At someone, or something, or both. Indeed, when I can't "let something go" the person it hurts the most is definitely myself. I've seen this in others but I've also seen it (I'm sorry to say) in myself.

Even when I recognize that I am hurting myself by hanging onto wounds, I still cling! That is the part that makes no sense but Buechner's quote does illuminate why we cling to our hurts so tightly. Subconsciously I guess we all like to wallow in our pain a little.

Truly one of my pet peeves is people who hold a grudges. When I'm privy to witness it, it seems silly and immature. "Why can't they just move on," I'll wonder. But, when it is my very own grudge to hold I'm as vigilant as the next guy about relinquishing my grasp. The irony of my behavior is not lost on me. Thankfully I don't get angry very easily so perhaps that's my saving grace while I'm working on being more forgiving generally!

"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. -Hannah More, English religious writer

Bad Behavior!

Yesterday I demonstrated an adult meltdown when I dropped a gallon of white acrylic paint onto the hardwood kitchen floor! It was not one of my finer moments!

It made a ginormous mess and of course it happened about ten minutes before company would be arriving! Poor Andie was innocently making a fruit salad just feet away so she got the brunt of my frustration.

I was so distraught I even tried to pass along blame to Andie who was clearly not at fault but in the line of fire. The cupboards were splattered on. The black leather barstools had white spots! Layers of thick white goo everywhere!

The whole spill was a major fiasco, plain and simple! And my immature reaction only added to the drama!

When I was young my Grandmother (Nano) had a saying: "The hurrier I go, the behinder I get!" As a child I didn't really understand what she meant. After spending about 6 hours (literally) cleaning hardwood covered in paint, I now completely relate to my grandmother's quote.

It's when I'm rushing around in a hurry that I break things and/or spill things, thereby creating additional work! I've learned this lesson the hard way enough times that I shouldn't get caught in the hustle bustle. But, invariably, I still do!

However, this time the paint debacle created enough of a catastrophe that I just might be inclined to slow it down a notch the next time I'm attempting to do too many things at once! Especially if any of those "things" involve paint! Paint is not easy to remove from hardwood floors, from leather chairs, from cabinets, from area rugs, and come to find out, from Paige's expensive lululemon yoga paints (one other innocent bystander)!

"Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?"

"Does anybody really know what time it is?

Does anybody really care!"

-lyrics to the hit song by Chicago

This is my United Airlines theme song!

We are scheduled to leave SFO tomorrow at 6:45 pm. Or, would that be 6:04 pm?

The airline doesn't seem to know. Or really care, for that matter!

When I booked our tickets online the screen definitely read 6:45 (I had on my strongest reading glasses so my impaired vision issues are not the problem here). Right as my credit card charge was accepted an email confirmation immediately came to my inbox. Only the email listed United Flight #6148 with a 6:04 pm departure! Huh?

The problem is, due to Andie's teaching schedule, we can make it for the 6:45 time but 6:04 would be impossible! Naturally I called United Airlines to find out which time was right: their website or their email confirmation?

In a way only a behemoth company can do, my phone call inquiry was bounced from one employee to another with no resolution! In the end, no one at United Airlines seemed to know which time should be trusted as accurate or which time is considered the most up-to-date.

So, whether we make it to Utah on Thursday night remains to be seen. If our 6:45 flight leaves at 6:04, we might be spending the weekend at home. Otherwise, if 6:45 is the sancrosanct time, we'll catch a couple of days of skiing, General Conference, Easter, and visiting Paigey!

Forget Chicago! I am hoping for a little "time is on my side" Rolling Stones luck to come our way tomorrow night!

Off-Road Rage!

The picture is not abstract modern art! It is a photograph of our bathtub filled with shattered glass!

It is A Cautionary Tale! Beware or this could happen to you!

This is the result of a forceful closure of the shower door by someone (who shall remain nameless) who had an extremely difficult day of teaching in her new job in a low income inner city school!

In other words, said individual should probably have been relaxing in our jacuzzi tub to unwind after an exhausting day at work! A quick shower clearly wasn't enough r&r! Apparently, the Special Ed Teacher position in this middle school is not for the faint of heart!

The whole shower mishap was quite unintentional but a humongous mess just the same! Who knew that an extra push could cause an entire glass door to implode like that?

Western fiction writer Louis L'Amour said that "Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leave him less than he had before - it takes something from him."

Fortunately, the only fatality was the shower door which shattered into zillions of tiny pieces! Thank goodness it happened at the conclusion of the shower while exiting, otherwise the implosion might have killed our favorite Special Ed Teacher!

Ah, well, my grandmother always told me not to cry over broken glass! Or was that spilled milk?

Time Out! Adults Who Act like 2 Year Olds!

"People Who Fly Into a Rage Always Make a Bad Landing!" - Will Rogers

The past week brought three interesting Adult Temper Tantrums! #1. Representative Joe Wilson screaming "You Lie" during President Obama's Health Care Speech! #2. Serena Williams goes loco in a US Open Tennis Match after she's called for a foot fault! #3. Kanye West, yanks the microphone from Taylor Swift accepting her music award and rudely endorses Beyonce Knowles as the best female vocalist! I missed seeing the actual rants in the Sports, Entertainment, and Political arenas. But it appears we are sinking to a new low; no venue is immune to Adult Tirades anymore!

All three of the Angry Celebrities have Apologized! So, I'm certainly not planning to vilify their character (or lack of) any further. Seems like they can handle that on their own! Personally, I think it might behoove Americans to heed President Obama's charge at his Inaugural Address when he quoted Paul's wise counsel to the Corinthians "that when we grow up, we must put away childish things." The current onslaught of Public Temper Tantrums seems to be exactly the kind of Bad Behavior he was referring to!

There used to be a Modicum of Decorum in the Tennis World, in Awards Shows, and especially respect when our United States President is speaking! The outbursts make me wonder where we went wrong that people feel above good manners and polite behavior! Clearly everyone has moments of anger and frustration but when so many adults struggle to keep there emotions in check in public, it might be time to question why! My personal guess is that too many people Never Grow Up in a world that coddles immature antics!

In parenting toddlers thru the "Terrible Two's" we were taught to IGNORE them or put them in "Time Out" to quell a tantrum! Unfortunately, in the Adult World it seems that the media perpetuates the concept that "there is no such thing as bad publicity." By focusing so much attention on Kanye, Serena, and Rep. Wilson I think society might be in for more explosions! As copycats see the endorsements come in for Joe Wilson and watch Kanye and Serena parading the talk show circuit offering yet another "mea culpa" it starts to seem like good business to lose your cool! And I don't think that is very cool!