Having my cousin Jane in town last week was a fun bonus. It's always nice to catch up on the Thurstons and get an update on mutual friends from our La Jolla days. Since the arrival of their 3rd child, Joey, who was born with Down's syndrome, I'm impressed with Jane and Ted's parenting. They've learned to cope with a family paradigm that was not what they expected. They do an awesome job and make it look easier to raise a child with down's syndrome than it probably is!
But Jane readily admits that parenting Joey has come with it's share of heartbreak. The following story Jane shared with me illustrates this well.
Jane was complimenting our kid's friendship with our former La Jolla neighbor, Rachel Goldbaum, who has down's syndrome. Rachel was a frequent playmate and attended several Knudsen birthday parties. When we moved from Boston to La Jolla, Andie was 4 and Rachel was probably 12 but mentally they were similar and a little friendship blossomed.
Jane noted that we will probably never realize how much it meant to Rachel's Mom that we included Rachel in our kid's birthday parties. She said that when Joey was born some other mutual friends, the Hunsakers (Glen Hunsaker was our former Stake President; a wonderful family) had a son, Benji Hunsaker, who was also born with down's syndrome.
Sister Hunsaker cautioned Jane that while all the Thurston's friends would be kind hearted about Joey and mean well, that Jane should probably get used to the idea that Joey would not be included in birthday parties. Sister Hunsaker wasn't bitter but just sad that although everyone in the ward, etc. was nice to Benji, he was pretty much left out when it came to social occasions!
Jane heard the warning but still held high hopes that Joey might have a different fate. But, Joey is now 14 and yet to be invited to a party of his peers. Jane admits that Joey is somewhat oblivious but that as a parent it does really hurt.
And, while I'm glad we included Rachel years ago, I also have to admit that it was easy because my kids were turning 3, 4, 5, etc.; ages that children are barely aware that the 12 year old neighborhood girl is different. I have to admit that if Andie was 12 and Rachel was 12 those invitations might not have been extended.
So, as always, Jane and I had some great visiting, fun catching up, and best of all, she gave me some things to think about. Sometimes a small act on our part (maybe a birthday invitation) can really make the day for someone else (or maybe someones's mother).
