After an article appeared in The Wall Street Journal last week about Amy Chua's new book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, there was such a brouhaha that I felt compelled to read the book. It turns out that Chua's memoir is a great book, well written and insightful. She and her Jewish caucasian husband are both law professors at Yale. Her book is the story of being raised by stict immigrant parents, her desire to continue that tradition and the difficulty of doing that in our Western culture.
Unfortunately, in the WSJ it appears as if Chua completely exalts her rigid parenting model (think Chinese) while dissing the more lax style (think Western), hence inciting the backlash of many mothers. But most of the Journal's excerpts were taken somewhat out of context. And the article was titled "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior" which did not help assuage the uproar either.
Chua's book, in total, is shocking at times but not nearly as combative as I expected. In fact, part of Chua's journey is learning to deal with a 2nd daughter, LuLu, who wasn't quite as amenable to the tight home regimen as daughter #1. LuLu screams back, tears up her piano sheet music and throws a few tantrums along the way.
Chua notes 3 differences between the mindsets of Chinese and Western parenting. First, Western parents are overly anxious about children's self esteem and constantly reassuring their children that they are terrific & perfect & wonderful regardless of how they might really perform.
Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. Their children should spend their lives making their parents proud. Their children can repay them for all their sacrifices through obedience.
Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore they can override all of their children's own desires and preferences.
Both of Amy Chua's daughters are accomplished and successful (so far) and clearly she has raised them with extremely demanding schedules. Their education, piano and violin lessons and practices, are rigorous and non-negotiable. Their calendars leave very little time for sleepovers, playdates, or just relaxed fun. But Chua concedes that this Type A parenting comes at a price and doesn't work perfectly. But, she'd doesn't regret her tough parenting model and she believes her girls don't either.
The book is a fascinating way to see different parenting styles, albeit some extreme, and note their pros and cons, as well as the value of some compromise too.
